I've always wondered how to satisfy the deep longing in my stomach, how to satisfy the greatest of needs and to, above all, stick to the rule of: "There's someone out there for everyone". Yet a realization has dawned upon me, a few words spoken to me in which have changed my life. They were spoken by my own mother, the implications a stinging pain.

I've always wondered what I could do to satisfy the others-- and I realize now why I could never do any of the sort-- never satisfy people I consider to be close to me, why I've been so empty this time. It's been solved. A slim piece of rubber that broke, or even the sex of some sort of passion, a teenager in the heat of the moment.

Blessed would be an STD, blessed would be an accidental reading, blessed would be a miscarriage. Yet I, of all things, something a sort of word, not blessed, nor honored. The sweet lies from my father, for I was a "proud" being to come into the world.

His words mean nothing to my ears, for where was he when the information was being told? Down the road, at a bar, my mother gave me life, grateful I've been, showing her the most of my life. Yet my implications of a joke: "Why'd you let the rubber break?"

And the reply of: "How was I supposed to know you'd turn out to be such a bitch?"

The words of her dead hope, in which was placed in a mistake.

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So, I've been thinking, lately, I ought to work on a new project. I mean, I am falling behind a lot, posting up old pics that have been digitally colored, I need to work on that, don't I? Maybe, maybe...

The current song I am listening to makes me think of a very particular character that was always famous among my readers, those who liked my stuff and took the time to read it. Going off the song and wanting to always write a novel about him, I figured: "I ought to do it, take the time to write it."

So I might, I might write the long awaited novel of the Master Butcher. He's a very different guy than I expected him to be, very smart. One of my favorite quotes from him, at the moment would have to be: "You are lacking in reply. Is the fact that you are eating your father getting to you, or is it the object in my hand."

I'm tempted to do a fan art piece of the Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker-- because you don't see it that much, I love the style of art, and I absolutely love the game with a passion. I mean, it's my favorite Zelda game. I might do some art of Dizzy from Guilty Gear, as well. Or make a dediction to Sol Badguy using my Queen loving character, Zuzumi, as the main object. Then again I owe Nina Tayune a picture. And I'll get it done, but it need to be perfect, you know?

I went to the mall today and got a Queen: News of the World t-shirt, how fucking wicked is that!? I say fucking wicked, I'm getting Liebe Ist Fur Alle Da, as well, for Christmas. Pretty fuckin' pimpin'-- yeah I'll get more skinny jeans and I got a pair of red converse. Gonna cut my hair pretty short too, I plan.

Hit my head pretty fucking hard on the car and got rejected by my mother, her screaming at me how I'm a bitch and I'm not really her daughter, and how she's sick of trying to help me and getting rejected. I've turned out like Hellsing! She just needs to threaten-- oh, wait, my mother did threaten me, I forgot.

I'm out, mi amgios. Keep yourselves alive. Later.

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Faith placed into a miserable cycle will only end in misery. Yet, it enjoys the company.